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Submitted: December 6, 2012
Image Size: 1.6 MB
Resolution: 1535×3780

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Bad day for Bon-Bonby *CzudakX

Fan Art / Cartoons & Comics / Digital / Movies & TV

Lyra leveled up and gained in some new spells. Bon Bon disapprove. I discovered that my gallery lacks of Lyra with her 'human' obsession and for every artist out there - it's a 'must have', literally. Changed that.

"Oooh! And I also learnt one called 'Liquidification'! Cool, huh?

"..."

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PONIES = Hasbro (C) and Hub (C)

Critique by ~gohlanblack Dec 6, 2012, 10:04:53 PM

First off: I love it!

Good work!

The whole thing feels much too cluttered. It is a tad overwhelming to have the characters so close. Zoom out about 10-20%, so we could see about a head's worth more to the left and right.
Bon Bon's reactions seem a bit too exaggerated. [In the first frame, I would have just had bon bon sigh (~sigh or *sigh*) Cursing seems a bit extreme. Or you could have left it out. I feel the last frame, I would have just had bon bon do a face-fin, and have a 'sizzle' over her head, showing her annoyance. Or, if you got rid of the thought bubble, the comic would be fine. ]
[I personally would have had bon bon in a kiddie pool or the likes - floating in a magical bubble seems a tad overkill... Most unicorns don't seem to be able to do that. ]
In general, it seems like you are overexplaining things. It would look much more streamlined and professional if you simplified it. Leave more to assumption. You don't have to fully write out each thought. You make the expressions clear enough that you don't need to add their thoughts.

Good work!

Keep it up!

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Critique by *Capt-Light-Shine Dec 6, 2012, 8:43:01 PM

While I am not particularly a fan of the fanon interpretation of Lyra being obsessed with sea ponies and hands, you have managed to slip past that barrier with an excellently pieced comic. While this is a compilation of overused jokes, you are able to add a new angle to it, thus avoiding the "this is just the same old, same old."

Your facial expressions are fantastic!

This may seem nit-picky, but you may wish to reexamine the size of Lyra's horn between each panel, as it seems to fluctuate a little.

I... I have nothing else. Congrats! Aside from Originality, you got me!